Home movie full length review - Such a bad movie that the review doesn't deserve a clever title
What baffles me more than the movie itself is the fact that there are so many ten star reviews of it on this website. Do you people like watching crap? Do you enjoy having your soul ripped from your body, mangled, then shoved back in? Are you all mad?
This movie isn't the kind of blatantly bad movie that you walk out of snickering to your friends about. This is a new kind of bad; one that I have never encountered before. There is something so sinister, so manipulative about the way this story was executed that I left the theater confused and horrified.
The movie starts of with our main character, Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory, talking in stupid grammar. Then he meets Rihanna, who is even worse at voice acting than he is. Badger from Breaking Bad is also in there somewhere. Steve Martin also joins this baffling cast, sporting a disturbing mustache. While the latter two did a good job with the awful lines they had to read, our two main protagonists, Sheldon and Rihanna, could not read lines naturally to save their lives.
The plot was really strange; easy to follow, but strange. There was definitely something wrong with the editing, and I wouldn't be surprised if the editor wasn't even fully conscious when he was cutting and pasting the scenes together. The pacing was all over the place. The movie felt like it ended three times before it actually ended. The action scenes had no tension. The emotional scenes came out of nowhere and confused me with their weight. The jokes were forced and felt flat on their faces.
The biggest and most glaring problem with this movie is the music. When they weren't playing EVERY RIHANNA SONG EVER, the movie treats us to the worst orchestral score I have ever heard in my life. Every time a song played, it felt inappropriate. The action scenes were either accompanied by bafflingly quiet Dubstep, or strangely quiet orchestral music. Every time an action scene started, the music got quieter. You don't DO that! Did the aliens IN the movie make this movie??
There are so many things I want to say about the movie, so many questions about WHO made these creative decisions and WHY they are still allowed to roam freely on this earth. This was just abysmal! It's terrible! There are very small fleeting moments of genuine emotional weight, and there are a few slightly clever lines, but it's all wrapped up in a flurry of terrible jokes, and terrible music, and terrible voice acting that it's CONFUSINGLY bad. I wanted to like the main characters, I really did! And there were moments when I did feel genuine sympathy for them, only for all that sympathy to fly out the window and into space because the editor quickly cuts to a completely different scene with a very different emotional feel to it. Or a terrible Rihanna song starts playing and ruins the mood.
The one good thing about the movie is the animation. I enjoyed the effect of the aliens' skin color changing based on their emotions. I liked the design of the "evil" aliens, for the most part. The main character girl's hair was very well rendered. The movie looked beautiful, just like a turd looks beautiful when you polish it.
Overall, this movie is an absolute train wreck. It's kind of funny how Rihanna voices one of the main characters, and most of her music is featured in--WAIT A SECOND. BACK UP. BEEP BEEP BEEP
Rihanna plays one of the main characters and her music is featured prominently in the movie. HMMMMMMMMMMM SEEMS A BIT OF A STRANGE COINCIDENCE, DOESN'T IT???!!
I digress. This is a bad movie. One out of ten, would never watch it again.