The Cokeville Miracle movie full length review - Satan?
Can something as trivial and seemingly insignificant as a motion picture cause a person to question their faith?
T.C. Christensen, who is perhaps the least qualified director since Tommy Wiseau, aims to put your faith to the test. To be fair though, he is no Tommy Wiseau. The Room, is a masterpiece compared to this putrid arse-gravy.
I saw this with many members of my congregation, The Faith Tabernacle Outreach Mission Crusade Deliverance Temple and Healing Ministry Center In Jesus' Name, Ltd., and I witnessed something so horrific, so dreadful, so vile, and so bowel-shakingly foul that I dearly wish I'll never again view anything even half as wretched in my lifetime,
...the loss of faith!
It happened quickly, long before the third act. Good Christians, some of whom I've known since they happily and willingly accepted our Lord and Savior into their hearts as newborn infants, were stripped of their love for Jesus, much like a heathen prostitute sheds her clothing to practice her sinful profession. How could such a thing happen? Not only did they question their faith, which would certainly have been more than enough to make any good Christian cry, but they were driven to act out some of the most blasphemous and taboo sins imaginable, right there in the theater! False idols were worshipped. Children began disrespecting their parents. Men began to lay with other men. And lashings of coveting, all round.
By the end credits, cries of "HAIL Satan" could be heard from a few of my once-beloved fellow parishioners. We ran quickly, of course, out of the theater to the nearest Chick Fil A, to weep, pray, and question how such a thing could happen.
In the end, it is clear that Mr. Christensen is a demon, sent to derail good people from their righteous path, masquerading as a talentless director. We aren't fooled, monster!
Join hands, and chant "Onward Christian Soldiers" with those you love, rather than see this film. In fact, do pretty much anything other than seeing this film. That enema you've been putting off for decades? Now's the time. That no-bake cheesecake recipe your overweight aunt who smells of pickles sent you? Time to give it a go.
I hope this was helpful. Bless you all, every one.