Cat Run movie full length review - Nails + Chalkboard = Razors + Wrists
Nails + Chalkboard = Razors + Wrists 'Cat Run' has a few funny moments and great Eastern European setting. However it cannot overcome a flawed story and more importantly really really bad actors over acting with dialogue written by a 10 year old boy.
The plot: As improbable as it is, American military industrial tycoon Christopher McDonald (the only professional actor in this film) orders the deaths of ALL the prostitutes at a brothel party after he strangles one of them.
Instead of simply covering up the minor murder of a prostitute during ruff sex, McDonald's private army of tuxedo clad, sub machinegun brandishing henchmen shoot up the entire mansion. (Isn't this going to be far more difficult to cover up?) But the henchmen simply allow hooker with a heart of gold Cat to run away (still in high heels) with a video of the original strangulation.
Enter Americans Scott Mechlowiz and Alphonso McAuley. Since no words can describe the pain of this duo, try to imagine being locked in a steel drum with Pauly Shore and Howie Mandel. Yes, it really is that bad.
For reasons never explained these destitute fools end up successfully tracking the wanted Cat all across Europe from country to country on a seemingly unlimited travel budget.
They also find themselves at odds with the professional assassin and torturer hired by McDonald, to also find Cat. The vicious assassin, Janet McTeer, parades herself as a British nanny. Much like Sylvester Stallone in 'Rhinestone' and Arnold Schwarzenegger in 'Junior.' The fish out of water scenario is so over the top, it's just plain unfunny.
The "plot" also does a complete 180 on us when the sadistic assassin we're supposed to fear and hate for torturing innocent victims to dead, suddenly switches sides and becomes a caring and selfless heroine whom wants to help Cat and crush McDonald.
Of course the mindless heroes mindlessly accept McTeer as their ally, mindlessly forgetting all wrongs.
Sadly, McTeer is the least annoying of the over acting assassins. They're more. Many more. Like a Scotsman whom resembles Fat Bastard from the 'Austin Powers' films. Except, 'Cat Run' is supposed to be and action comedy, not a slapstick comedy. Hence these henchmen all come across as out of place very annoying.
The single biggest nail on the chalkboard is the screenplay itself which seems to be written by a 10 year old boy who thinks any type of vulgarity is funny. It's not! And someone should have stopped this script in its tracks from ever being turned into a movie.
Crude humor can be done well but this script totally ignores the second part, the humor. The vulgarity needs a punch line. A joke cannot be just 4 letters long.