The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption movie full length review - So many things wrong with this...
There are so many irritating factors to this movie that I just couldn't watch it for the obvious escapism that it was meant to deliver. I knew it was going to be poor before it started as the narrator's voice lacked any depth or sense of drama and frankly didn't sound suitable.
The acting was generally awful with the exception of Ron Perlman, who wasn't on the screen long enough. Billy Zane was his usual villainous self, but he brought absolutely nothing new and the producers could have just reached for their handy 'cast a bad-guy' book. At one point, when the actress who was being resurrected from the dead uttered her first lines, I thought I'd been taken back to my daughter's school performances when she was about 8. Except she was better! Most of the rest were hammy to say the least, although I didn't think that Victor Webster in the title role was too bad, if a little low on charisma.
Which brings me to the dialogue. I know that with a predominantly North American cast, the broader accents might not seem appropriate on occasion, especially in an ancient setting. But when the Scorpion King tells his sidekick to "quit bellyachin'", I just couldn't avoid laughing at how ridiculous it sounded. The whole movie was riddled with clichés and the script had little imagination.
Then there was the confusion with geography and anachronisms. Bearing in mind that the action takes place around 5,000 years ago, one can accept the odd bit of poetic licence in a fantasy action film, but the producer was really taking liberties here. At the start, we see the Scorpion King and his new-found sidekick riding across sand dunes on the way to his destination. Bearing in mind this franchise was spawned from the Mummy films, you'd expect that it may have been in the Middle East. It seems no time at all when into their camp stroll an ambush of tigers (I looked up the collective noun) so suddenly they're in India, I think. But the people are a mixture of oriental and European, it seems. Then some of the buildings tell you maybe it's Thailand. But half way through, Ninjas appear! It can't be Japan ? they didn't get on any boat.
The anachronisms were equally irritating. I've already mentioned the Ninja, who hadn't really surfaced as a trained force until at least the 15th century AD. The use of trebuchets in the movie was 4,000 years before they were invented. The telescopes that were used were 4,500 years ahead of their time. And the Scorpion King's hefty friend came from Germania, which was probably first called that in Roman times, 3,000 years later (and it would have been impossible for a North-western European to go so far east 5,000 years ago). They were quite close with the use of elephants in warfare, though ? only 2-3,000 years early.
As I said, this is a fantasy film and I may be a bit pedantic, but don't waste your money on this one is my suggestion.